Our Endless Numbered Days
by grossomodo
Summary: As Bella's panic over her numbered days grows, she has only one option: she must provoke the Volturi into giving her the eternity with Edward she so desperately craves.
1. Chapter 1

As far as grossomodo knows, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the title is from the wonderful Iron & Wine album.

Chapter One

It almost was like someone else was controlling that little black arrow on the computer screen because I sure as hell was trying not to think about what I was doing. Not to say there was any weakness in my resolve to do this.

Click. Flight. I highly doubted I would need a rental car and hotel package where I was going.

Click. One-way. Not like I knew when I'd be back. Or if I'd be back. I tried not to think about that.

Click. Date of departure. Best to do this as soon as possible.

Click. Number of passengers: One. I had to do this alone.

Click. Departing city. Seattle, Washington, USA. The bus and ferry trip to Seattle would take just under three and a half hours. I'd done my homework long ago.

Click. Destination. Pisa, Italy. The location of the international airport closest to Volterra.

Click. Search flights.

I glanced out the window as the travel company's website searched for the cheapest flight and my reflection in the window pane caught my eye. I looked away quickly. The image was sure to cause unnecessary anguish. At the age of eighteen, I was finally acting like other girls, obsessing over my skin and hair, but while my peers were worrying over pimples and frizz, I was looking for signs of wrinkles and gray hairs. Being with Edward, or around any of the vampires for that matter had always made me aware of my humanness and the inevitable deterioration of my body. However, recently I felt the world had put a magnifying glass on what used to be a simple fact of life. Little comments from my dad about Renee and her much younger husband, Phil, which used to make me roll my eyes now had me uncomfortable. Hearing Mike make jokes about the young mailman and his forty year old girlfriend made me grimace. Even Ben and Angela talking about how they saw The Graduate last week made me want to scream.

Turning my attention back to the computer screen, I quickly chose the cheapest flight. It took mere seconds to fill in all the necessary information as auto-fill and muscle memory did all the work. My cursor hovered over the "confirm" button when a cold voice demanded from behind me, "What are you doing?"

I jumped and quit the internet browser, but Edward had already seen it.

"I- uh…"

His eyes narrowed, waiting for my explanation. When no excuse came to mind, he spoke.

"I told Alice she must have seen her vision incorrectly, that you couldn't possibly be buying a plane ticket to Volterra."

Edward's tone was light but his eyes hadn't lost that accusatory look to them. I knew I should apologize and explain, but my anger had a way of manifesting at inopportune moments.

"Well, you shouldn't have done that. You know Alice doesn't control what she sees in her visions," I hedged.

"Bella, that I argued with Alice is neither here nor there. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were about to buy a one-way ticket to Volterra."

"It's not like I was actually going to confirm the flight today; I look at the prices every day!" I blurted out.

Oh shit. I hadn't meant to let that slip. Edward's eyebrows had shot up. When he next spoke, he no longer was even attempting to keep his voice light.

"Everyday, you entertain the thought of marching into certain death and you didn't even think to let me in on this little plan of yours?"

I was feeling belittled, dumb, angry and not just a little ashamed.

"It's not 'certain death,' Edward; it's a chance at a life with you! An eternal future!" I retorted. How could he not see that as every day passed I was becoming an old lady while he remained achingly young and beautiful?

"You don't know what you're saying! You are so good, don't you realize you would lose so much in being turned?" he asked, exasperated.

"I would give up everything if it meant I could be yours forever, Edward," I said quietly. "Don't you want the same?"

"It's not that simple. What you're asking for is…" He tried to smile reassuringly at me. "You know I love you."

_But not for eternity._ The words were left unspoken but they hung clearly in the air for me. I was angrier and more hurt than I had realized I would be at his evasion of my question. Every time we broached the subject of my mortality I was left in pain. Although I knew he had no intention of making me feel this way, he had to realize that for someone like him, sixty, seventy years would be over in the blink of an eye, and then what? I would be a wrinkly, senile woman with a perpetually seventeen year-old Edward who would be doomed to live on memories of me until he found a new love? It was fair for no one. I had to be turned. I sighed. It was clear we were getting nowhere with this argument and it was just making me depressed.

"I won't be buying the ticket-," I began.

Edward relaxed visibly.

"-for now, anyway," I ended, trying to put an end to this fight.

He had opened his mouth to argue but after looking at my expression, he shut his eyes for a few moments, then answered.

"Okay. Let's not argue. I need to be getting back, anyway. I kind of rushed out on Emmett and Jasper when I saw what Alice was thinking," Edward said, sheepishly.

I unclenched my fists and tried giving him a smile- it may have been a bit tight, but for the moment it was all I could give.

"Bella, I wish I didn't have to put you in this situation, but I'm too selfish to stay away. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and all I want, all I'll ever want, is you- you, just the way you are."

He gave me a quick kiss and a brilliant smile before he left out the window. There was so much unsaid between us. I was left feeling disgruntled and mixed as I sat down on the edge of my bed, brooding. I understood his sentiments, but I didn't agree with them. It wasn't like he had put me in "this situation"; I had chosen it. I had chosen him just as much as he had chosen me. It angered me that he was still saying things about his selfishness in being with me after everything that had happened when he'd left the first time. Of course, then he would say those, wonderful, sweet words looking me dead-on in the eyes and all those angry, heart-squeezingly painful thoughts would dissipate until he was safely gone from yelling distance. It seemed lately that that was how all our arguments ended; Edward would whisper such words in my ear and when I regained my senses, he'd be gone and I'd feel like a terrible person for having gotten angry in the first place and worse, still feeling angry because we had resolved nothing. And that was where I was left yet again; something had to be done, no, I had to do something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

My frustration was eating me from the inside out, starting with my reason.

Edward didn't want to talk about the fact that one day I would grow old and die. Fine. Part of me—the logical part that wasn't pulling its weight at the moment—knew that it was probably just because it was a touchy subject for him. Of _course_ he wouldn't want to talk about the fact that in much less (less and less every day) than a century, he would be posing as my grandnephew at my funeral. I could respect that.

But that he didn't want me talking about it with _anyone_. A girl can only take so much constant mental anguish before she cracks and has to Girl Talk with someone, _any_one.

I mentally ran through the list of friends (acquaintances more like) that I could talk to, eliminating each in turn—Jessica, the gossip; Angela, the most normal of all girls I knew; my mom. I paused at the last one. My mom would know what to do. Even if she were completely out of her element when it comes to vampires and other monsters, she was a mom.

My fingers hesitated on the buttons of my cell.

No. I set the phone down. Even if she was my mom… I couldn't bring myself to tell Renée any of this. Edward and I would work through this rough patch and then I would be left explaining away my momentary insanity to Renée. No, it would have to be an unbiased third party, one that I would never have to see again. I just needed a temporary outlet, to get my thoughts in order.

I knew who I had to call.

"This is LifeLine, can I help you?"

_Click._

My heart thrummed erratically in my chest, and I had to pry my thumb off the red button. What was I doing? I shook my head and dialed again.

"This is LifeLine, can I help you?"

I paused, my heart jumping again to my throat. If Edward ever found out… well, he wouldn't kill me, I thought humorlessly. He was quite clear about that, no matter how much I wanted it. I took a calming breath and said, "This is completely anonymous, right? You aren't logging my phone number or anything?"

"Yes, ma'am. What seems to be the problem?"

I paused. This was the Point of No Return. Once I said it, there was no going back, no striking my statement from the records, no forgetting. If she was lying about the anonymity, I was potentially fucking up royally. That is, if she even took me seriously, which I couldn't see how she would. I bit my lip. Fuck it all. "My boyfriend is a vampire, and I keep trying to get him to change me, because I don't want to be an ugly old woman while he's young and beautiful forever, but he won't let me, and I'm not sure if he won't because he really cares about the purity of my soul or if he thinks I'm too weak or if he just doesn't love me at all." I sucked in a deep breath and waited.

The line was silent for a moment. Finally, the woman on the other line said quietly, shakily, "All right." I could hear the faint creak of a chair, and could just imagine her running her fingers through her hair. _I bet they never had this as a training situation_, I thought wryly. "All right, well, let's talk about your fear of aging."

***

Maybe it was finally getting everything off my chest (it was oh so liberating to finally angst to someone, even if it was someone who had no stake in the conflict), but I had my first peaceful sleep in weeks. Normally, my dreams would leave me terrified, reaching first thing for the mirror that I now kept on my bedside table, peering at my face and spotting the new wrinkles. Not tonight.

Edward was in my dream, but that was no surprise. He was just a shadowy figure, coming in through my bedroom window, but I knew it was him by the way he moved, full of beautiful and unearthly grace. He sat down on my bed, and my dream self tried to make out his perfect features, but they twisted and morphed in the traitor darkness. But his hand on my cheek, that I recognized; the cool alabaster greedily sucking up the warmth of my skin and sending pleasurable chills down my spine. Murmuring his name, I drew him towards me, my eyes thirstily drinking up his features through the thick veil of night. His strong chin, his perfect nose, his smirking lips, his—

_His red eyes_.

My eyes snapped open, my heart hammering against my ribs. I rubbed a hand wearily over my eyes. The red lines of my clock read 5:13am. Well, a few hours more of uninterrupted sleep than usual. The rant had done my peace of mind good. Anyway, that nightmare was probably more because of my almost-fight with Edward, which was a welcome change from my usual nightmares that sprang from my own internal arguments with myself.

The Edward from my dream flared briefly in my memory, and I shuddered. _His eyes_… They were inhuman, animalistic, deadly. They were the eyes of the Volturi, of murderers, not of my sweet Edward.

But sleep tugged insistently at the edge of my thoughts, pulling me back into a half-dream. I would think about that in the morning, if I even remembered it. Right now, I needed rest. I pulled my comforter tighter around my neck as I turned over, trying to find a comfortable position.

Before I could stop myself, my hand reached instinctively to where Edward usually kept me company. I couldn't help but feel the pang of disappointment when I realized that this was the first time I'd woken from my dreams to an empty bed in quite some time. He was mad at me, I was sure of it now. But that could wait. I drew my hand back towards the warmth of my covers.

"Ouch," I muttered, my hand snapping away from whatever it was that had left a line of the flesh burning and throbbing. I put the aching wound to my lips and tasted blood. "Shit."

I shifted, reaching over to turn on the light so I could properly dispose of the thing which had given me such a nasty papercut. Probably I'd forgotten to put away a book again, before falling asleep.

Squinting my eyes against the sudden glare, I was surprised to see a single sheet of heavy paper sitting on the pillow next to mine. A note? From Edward maybe, quite possibly an apology and a promise to talk about it in the morning. I couldn't help but smile to myself: he really was old-fashioned sometimes.

My eyes glided over the precise, delicately written script without consciously processing its meaning. It was a single word that shook me out of my blind denial: _rules_.

_Oh God._

I threw off my covers and stumbled over to my open window. Wood protested loudly against wood as I struggled to close it. My breath was coming in panicked gasps. Finally the frame lurched the last few inches and slammed noisily against the frame. I froze for a tense moment, listening for any signs of movement from Charlie's room. Nothing.

Even though I knew Edward would be pissed about it if he tried to visit me before I woke up, I fumbled with the window's lock. I felt stupid feeling even the slightest bit relieved when I slipped the hook through the loop. Not even if I superglued the window shut could I keep out a vampire, if he was determined to get in.

Resting my forehead against the cool glass of the window, I looked out beyond my reflection into the dark street. I know I should have expected to see the tall figure standing motionless across the road from my window, but my heart constricted painfully in my chest all the same.

I backed away from the window shakily, stopping only when the backs of my knees bumped into the bed. My legs refused to hold me up any more, and I collapsed weakly onto the wooden bedframe.

My thoughts were white noise. Mechanically, I reached behind me, grabbing clumsily at the parchment. I hadn't forgotten what it said—how could I ever?—but I read it again all the same.

_Isabella,_

_It would seem that you have failed to understand the rules. Do not let it happen again. The problem will be taken care of appropriately._

_We will be in contact soon._

There was no signature, but there was little doubt in my mind as to who it could be.

The Volturi were here, and they knew that I had told.

**Author's Note**: Thanks for reading! Do let us know what you think!


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